Alan Birch was idly browsing the porn site when the pop-up appeared, ‘How much of a man are you? Macho, stud, or wimp? Take the quick test to find out really’. Well nothings really happening, so why not he thought. He clicked the link and got taken to ‘Big men and good girls’ REAL dates for REAL people’. ‘I should have known it was a dating site, but nothing to pay, so here goes’ he reasoned.
Q1. In a group of your men do you:-
a. take the lead b. play an equal part c. keep quiet mostly
He ticked ‘a’ and moved on.
Q2. A good looking girl passes you on the street, do you:-
a. Turn and stare at her ass b. give her a glance and shy smile c. Ignore her
‘Doh, I have a good ogle, of course!’, he ticked ‘a’.
There were 10 questions, and then a small challenge. ‘Find a path to the centre of the spiral’. The spiral appeared and Alan slowly found a path through it, it was a bit harder than t it would be, the spiral was very distracting, and it took about 10 minutes.
10 more questions followed.
Q11 Do you ever wear pink:-
a. never b. sometimes c. often
Q12 Do you spend much time grooming:-
a. Some, I'm a good looking guy though b. Not a lot, its a bit pansy. c. none,not worth it
Then another spiral maze test. The spiral seemed a little quicker and the route harder. He spent almost 30 minutes staring hard before he reached the centre.
Another 10 questions, followed by another spiral maze, each section of questions needing more honest answers, and each spiral taking longer. Then another 10, and another. He was determined to reach the end though, he needed to know the answer.
The 9th spiral took him hours, but by this time the time didn’t really matter, besides, he was vaguely aware the sun had come up hours ago. He brushed a stray strand of blonde hair out of his eyes, dimly wondering if a bit of red tint wouldn’t go amiss, and faced the last 10 questions.
Q91 In a group of men do you:-
a. keep quiet, as you know your place b. smile shyly and reply when spoken to c. flirt with everybody, hoping to get noticed
Q92 A good-looking man passes you in the street, do you:-
a. make eye contact and smile broadly b. make sure you add an extra wiggle to your walk hoping he will notice c. ignore him
Q93 Do you spend a lot of time on make-up:-
a. yes, lots, to look my very best b. moderate, I am quite pretty c. No, I prefer to look like shit.
Almost straight a’s, that must be good he thought.
Well done, you have completed the questionaire. Our computer shows 6 matches with Alpha males in your locality. Be a good girl and fill out the application form now. Be sure to include ‘phone details and a recent picture, then sit back and relax. Try the mazes again to pass time until you get a response.
He filled out the form, ‘Lana Birch, 26, tv, looking for a special man’ and so on……. The site suggested the spirals again, and helpfully put them all in a ’relaxation’ section. Lana, like a good girl, clicked on the first one………
