The 7 Tests of Trothgard (with apols to Mr S Donaldson)

He was the greatest hero of the land, know from horizon to horizon as Baghoon the Undefeatable. He was chosen by the council of firsts to be the man to deliver salvation to the endangered people of the Land. Lord Kasreyn, arch-mage of the Demondim spawn was casting envious eyes over the green and fecund home of the peoples of Vespers, Baghoon’s homeland. Raiding parties had already spread devestation in the North and it was only a metter of time before the hordes would descend upon the Land.

The council implored Baghoon to take on the onerous task of defeating the foul Kesreyn.

‘Do not fear, my people, for you, for the love of my fellow man, I will accept the sacred trust you have given me. Though the test of the seven has been tried a million times before without success, you may rest easy that I, Baghoon the Invincible, will deliver peace to our fair Land,  I will cleve Lord Kesryn’s head from his shoulders in the name of truth, freedom and harmony.

He strode forth smugly, the cheers of thousands ringing in his ears.

The Dolewind  had tried to blind him with lacerating sand - he wrapped cloth around his eyes and trusted in his Gods.

The Peak of the Fire Lions threw its worst at him, but his swiftness saw him pass.

Lifeswaller the Great Swamp tried to pull him under, but he captured and rode a giant swamp serpent acroos its vastness.

The three headed sand-gorgon he slayed from right beneath its belly.

The riddles of the Gaurdian of Helmut were answered with a laugh of scorn so easy were they.

The Falling Fist of Satansheart was too cumbersome to overtrouble him, so fleet were his feet.

The last test approached; cross the Hall of Silence deep in the Bowells of The Grieve, at the very heart of Lord Kasreyns’ warrens. The Hall posed no threat to such as him, despite the dire warnings of the ‘Curse of the Barby’ that protected them. He inched closer to his goal, his feet wrapped in oiled clothes, his armour discarded, for he was no fool.Then.........

*Attcchhhhooooooo*

‘Oh bugger. Bugger, bugger, bugger  thought our hero, swiftly followed by ‘At least I didn’t break a nail’ and ‘Oh, hi guys, my what big swords you all have!’